” ‘I Got Flowers Today’

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night,
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and didn’t mean the things he said.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today,
And it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
And it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I’m afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.

Today was a very special day.


It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage 
and strength to leave him, 
I would not have gotten flowers…today.
– Paulette Kelly”

I set down the book.

[sigh]

I haven’t received those in a while.

Flowers.

Perhaps, he has no remorse left? 

I do always stay, after all.

I do always ‘understand’,

Even when the bruises stay for a month, 

Faithful to their black and blue.

I understand that too, 

That he has no more remorse.

Ironic, right?

But this is my normal now.

They do say that, 

‘Just because he doesn’t love you the way you want,

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you with all his heart’.

So, to him, this is love, right?

I’ll stay.

I love him.

I can’t go.

Where would I go?

Who would love me,

I mean, look at me!!

These scars,

He traces on my body at night,

Right after loving me.

Yes, that makes me feel beautiful.

To some, scars bear a painful memory,

A dreadful past, a sad phase.

But he explained it to me.

These scars are a sign of my loyalty.

To him. To our love.

That I stayed. Despite his flaws,

As he stayed despite mine.

I understood,

“Aha, these scars are love!

I’ve just been blind, ignorant to his way of loving.

Aha, now I understand!”

But I don’t get flowers anymore.

And the screams get louder now.

I don’t get flowers anymore,

But the gashes do run deeper.

I don’t get flowers anymore.

Wounds, bruises, pain.

But no flowers.

I should do better.

Maybe I should wear that dress he likes.

And cook dinner well too.

That sounds good.

I’m sure I’ll get some affection today,

The normal kind,

With soft caresses and light kisses.

Maybe my inability to carry a child to term won’t come up today.

If I do right, I won’t be a failure in his eyes.

He loves me.

He loves me.

He doesn’t say it much anymore,

But he loves me.

He loves me…

I smelt nice.

Sweet.

I had my good underwear on.

I felt beautiful too.

The mirror testified and I believed my eyes too!

I looked again.

I look stunning.

I am beautiful today.

I looked deeper into my eyes.

Why hadn’t I seen this before?

My beauty.

My depth.

I may be just a shell of the woman I was before I met him,

But I still looked beautiful.

He doesn’t tell me that.

He doesn’t look at me like he sees a beautiful woman.

Just a woman, for the kitchen and the bedroom.

I look beautiful.

I called Mom, for the first time in 6 years.

She cried when she heard my voice.

I told her I looked beautiful today.

She chuckled.

“Of course you do! I know you do!”

I cried.

“Mom, he doesn’t love me!”

It dawned on me.

Only then did I realise that.

He doesn’t love me.

All Mom said was,

“Love doesn’t hurt.”

I hung up.

I picked up a pair of shoes and left.

Him. Everything.

I am beautiful.

I am going home,

To the Mother who knows I am beautiful!

Inspired by a strong woman who made it past her abusive relationship. Check her out,

Apology not accepted

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9 thoughts on “Loved Wrong

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