“Eleven years. A decade and a tenth. My youth. I spent every waking hour either with you, thinking about you or dreaming about you. Your eyes. Your smile. Your lips. Your hands and feet. Your long legs. Mostly, your heart. Your beautiful heart.
And when you said you’d marry me, I felt loved and honored, by you and by the universe.
When you said I do again and again, I was the happiest human being on the planet. Hell, the universe. With you, I graduated from being a boy, from being an immature selfish boy into a man who could be so much more. The way I loved you, oh, only heaven knew just how much.
I didn’t know time would be so cruel. Your eyes are just too brown. I wonder what it was that I liked so much about them. I mean, I hate brown! Your hands are just too small, the proportion to your feet. And your lanky legs look funny in boots.
Eleven years of my life, down the drain. You had the best of me. I never thought forever would be so long! I don’t want to waste anymore of my life, here with you. I hate how you breath in your sleep. And how you reach over to me right before dawn, and suffocate me with your heat. I hate how you make gnocchi, though my favourite food, I hate it now. I hate Thursdays cause that’s the one day of the week you’ll wake up singing and happy. I really hate how you’re a morning person, walking on sunshine every morning. I even hate the sound you make when you walk!”
She stood there, listening, tears glistening her face. She just could not believe any of what she was hearing. She watched him as he walked towards the door, with a packed bag in his left hand. She wanted him to stay, to look at her once more. And maybe he would see the stars that danced in her eyes. Stars that only he saw. Just maybe he would see the 19 year old he fell in love with, the love that changed the course of the gravity of their lives and their identities, as their lives merged in all ways possible.
He opened the door, and before he walked out, he turned at looked at her one last time. She held her breath, hoping for a quick change of events. After a few beats passed between them, finally he spoke and said, “I hate that you’re so tall the most.”
He walked out, closing the door behind him.
He got into the car, drove around the corner and stopped. He wept. A river. He had just broken his heart breaking the love of his life. The doctor’s had found what was wrong with him. Takayasu’s arteritis*. He couldn’t, for the life of him, imagine what it would do to her. His heart was literally suffocating in his body. He had to leave her, before he left her for good. She would get used to being without him. Then he could die a peaceful death, if there was even such.
*Takayasu’s arteritis, also called TAK, is a rare form of vasculitis disease involving inflammation in the walls of the largest arteries in the body: the aorta and its main branches. The disease results from an attack by the body’s own immune system, causing inflammation in the walls of arteries. The inflammation leads to narrowing of the arteries, and this can reduce blood flow to many parts of the body.
Takayasu’s arteritis can result in a weak pulse or loss of pulse in arms, legs and organs. For this reason, people used to refer to the illness as “pulseless disease.” Sometimes patients with TAK may have no symptoms, and the disease is so rare that doctors may not easily recognize it. Thus, there is often a delay in detecting it, sometimes several years.