Fighting with Myself 

I am upset with myself for feeling things I have no right to be feeling. 

Placing expectations on a poor soul who has no obligation to me whatsoever.
But here I am, blaming him for stiring me up and leaving me to simmer all on my own.

I feel stupid, for feeling this way.
I mean, it’s me. Not you.

I can’t seem to stomach how I feel I put in more than I’m getting.
Probably cause I’m not as racy as you’d like.
Forgive me, I’m no tease.
But if this is my punishment,
I find it rather cruel and unusual.

I hate how you just seem to waltz in and out of my life as you please.
Today, you’re all hot and up in my grill. I love it when you do that.
And when you’re distant and reserved, it gets cold.
Hypothermia.

I’ve even come to considering that just maybe we’re better off without each other.
I can’t be a resident in this turbulent rollercoaster.
My heart is just too brittle for that.

So I will keep to myself.
For my own safety and sanity.
I’ll risk being forgotten by you,
And hope it hurts less with time.
Or wake up one morning, and it be like I’d dreamt you up in my slumber and now I was awake, and that’s why you were gone.

I can’t keep breaking myself.
I am all I have.

9 thoughts on “Fighting with Myself 

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